The Follow-Up

The dread gallbladder surgery finally had a face when Day Surgery called Monday afternoon to tell me to be in at 8am the next morning for the old slicity-slice. When I was there for pre-screening they assured me that they never keep anyone waiting for long beforehand.

This was a flagrant lie.

Dustin and I left around 7, and I signed in at the front desk promptly at 7:45. I even waited until the gaggle of people crowded there left so I could be sure the ladies at reception noticed me signing in. Not because I need all eyes on me, but because if I have to face the facts, my super-power is falling through the cracks. This isn’t a pity party, just an honest assessment of my life.

Two hours went by. At first I was mostly preoccupied with being nervous to get pissy about the length of time, but when people we heard getting called into surgery were having their families called into their recovery rooms—people who came in well AFTER us—then I started getting a little hot under the collar. My name was called to report to the front desk, and at the same time they called my phone to ask if I was coming in. It was 10 by this time. The receptionist asked if I had signed in.

” Yes. At 7:45.” She looked shocked, then looked at her clipboard. Then flipped up a page. Then flipped up another page until she saw my name, completely buried under the people they’d skipped ahead of me. I was supposed to have been first in line with my surgeon that day, but didn’t actually get into the OR until 12:30 thanks to that happy little snafu.

The nurse who prepped me was great. I barely even felt it when she put the IV in, and I wish I could have some of those compression wraps they put on my legs for home. They were like having a wonderful calf massage every thirty seconds or so.

The anesthesiologist came in to say ‘hello,’ and looked exactly like Ebinezer Scrooge. Luckily, I didn’t have to see him again. His weirdly exuberant aides wheeled me away to the OR and I immediately cracked up laughing—”Back That Azz Up” was blaring in the background. My surgeon was super into 90’s hiphop they explained. He was such a small, nerdy looking white dude, with an Egon Spangler-esque demeanor that I never would have guessed. I mean, whatever keeps him pumped and feeling like a boss, right?

The anesthesia ladies explained that the drugs may burn in my hand a little has they come through the tube, but that it should only last for a second. Boy were they wrong. It burned like a mother and lasted about twenty seconds. They put an oxygen mask on me and said to take a few deep breaths. I managed one before I was PTFO.




I came awake all at once in the recovery bay. A lot of people talk about having loopy dreams and conversations with people who aren’t there while coming awake, but no such fun for me. Just intense pain that I was totally unprepared for. The stout lady furiously mouse-clicking at the workstation next to my stretcher gave me a shot of dilaudid, which without exaggeration was just barely enough to ease the pain, and I was wheeled into a private room. A few hours later the pain started coming back with a vengeance and my nurse gave me a single pill of the weakest OxyContin possible. She said I could have another in half an hour if I needed.

I needed.

When I called her back for the other pill she said “You’re a little on the small side, I just didn’t want to over medicate you.” Thanks? But seriously, over medicate me. Most of the rest of the afternoon was spent between crying in pain, and drug-addled sleep. The tech told me I needed her help to the bathroom, so at one point I asked her for help, which she did, but then didn’t come back to help me out. Thank glob Dustin was there.

Around 8 my nurse said they were ready to discharge me whenever I felt ready to go. A minute in the hospital is too damn long, so I let her know I was ready. She said she’d put in the order for my meds at the pharmacy and then come unhook me from everything. About an hour later Dustin’s like, “They fucking forgot you again.” Sure enough, she’d gone home for the night and no one even knew I was still there. He flagged down someone and let them know what was up, and the night tech and nurse came in to get me ready to go. The night nurse seemed completely incompetent, but did say that she didn’t think she was in the right room because my chart said I was 34, but that I look 24. The tech was like, ” You ARE very beautiful.” Seriously, you ladies are crazy but I love you.

Isnt it funny how when you’re in pain even the shortest drive is the longest of your life? We had to stop so I could take a pill before we made it, but eventually we did. Lulah was asleep when we left in the morning, and when we got home. It was the first time I hadn’t seen my kid for an entire day. We really like our kid, so that sucked.

I feel much better today, with a lot less pain. I even ate some jalapeño poppers! There’s a list of food I’ve been dying for but couldn’t have while on the low-fat diet for the last two or three months. Can’t wait to start checking those bad boys off! I’ll probably have to take up running or something. I lost twenty pounds in those months, and could probably gain all that back in a week.

All that fuss and it hardly looks like anything!

Anyhow, the kitchen is soooo close to finished so I should have some after pics for that soon, and then we can get back to making stuff!


Remodels and Organ Removals

My friends, I have been horridly remiss (among many things) in keeping this blog up to date. While that has been the status quo around here since the blog began, I had real instant ions (I came back through on a proofread and was like ‘the fuck?’ I wrote most of the beginning of this on a tablet–yet another victim of overzealous auto-correct but who the hell knows what it originally said? Not me. Maybe you do) and plans for more regular posts that were derailed by insidious outside forces.

Okay, maybe insidious is a bit of a stretch, but when misfortunes come at you from all sides like they’ve been at my house, it begins to feel like you’re being attacked by some unseen nemesis. It’s gotten so bad that my normally logical brain started thinking about the Evil Eye and feeling superstitious enough to start hanging amulets.

It started with a pain in my side. I would very occasionally experience a muscle cramp-type pain in this spot when sitting in the car, but I never thought much of it because it would go away again and not come back for weeks. The pain started morphing into a stabbing type, and one night after a super delicious, super greasy dinner of tacos and fried tortillas, it morphed into HOLYFUCKSOMETHINGISWRONG pain. I almost went to the hospital, but the internet assured me that it was just my gallbladder pooping the bed and likely wasn’t an emergency yet. A trip to the doctor a few days later confirmed that, yes, my gallbladder has taken an early retirement and will need to be evicted from its high-rent apartment. 

Jokes on you, you little jerk
In the three weeks (!?!?!!) it took for my Dr. Office’s asshole referral department to get back to me with just a name and phone number of a surgeon that I had to call and arrange everything myself with, our house flooded.

“Flood,” might conjure more water to mind than there was, but water was under the floorboards of most of our music room, in the laundry room, and in the kitchen. That night I had just grabbed my violin to go back into the bedroom for a little night practice when I noticed a weird sound while walking into the hall. Then I noticed water squishing up between the boards. We turned off the water and spent all night cutting holes in the walls to find the leak, pulling up floorboards, and throwing all the towels we had at the flood like confetti at a parade no one really wanted to attend.


We found the leak in the main water pipe connection in the wall between the laundry room and kitchen, and also found that what was now a river had once been an unnoticed  stream for quite some time. There was so much black mold growing in all the drywall. So much flooring and trim were soaked and ruined, as well as all of the bottom kitchen cabinets. Our kitchen cabinets (entire kitchen, really) had been an eyesore since before I even moved in almost 7 years ago, so I wasn’t crying for them so much as the awful timing.  Pulling out floorboards, drywall, and literally everything from the kitchen left my home looking like a war zone. That’s not hyperbole; I know what a war zone looks like, friends, and my house fit right in.


Spot the child!

Building, repairing, or changing anything in this house is stressful at the best of times because of the work crew; my hubs and his grandfather, Jim. Jim was once a scientist in the Army Corps of Engineers, and I have yet to be able to successfully imagine it. Jim does not operate in a scientific way. When presented with a problem, instead of logically puzzling out the absolute best solution, he commits full-tilt to the very first whimsy that pops into his mind. Often, this results in many things requiring repair that hadn’t before, and inordinate cost. I once told him his work method was like that of a wrecking ball, and he laughed.

“Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.” Yes Jim, but not the whole dozen and not the Fabergè for maths sake!

Hubs is a logical man and this behavior makes him suitably crazy. He tries to steer Jim into a better course of action, but it’s a lot like guiding a charging bull. Most projects I have to leave the house for because I can really only stand a half hour or so of shouting at a time.

I’m officially sold on yearly repainting of the ceiling

While they were working on drywall and plumbing and stuff I have no experience in, I decided to use our surplus of kitchen paint to tackle our bedroom–another of the craphole rooms in the house that have been sucking my soul. (Basically Lulah’s room is the only room in the house that doesn’t look like hobos squatted there for years and then vacated, and that’s only because we had a timer ticking down on the renovation of that room. Once that turkey was done, we would be SOL if we hadn’t finished fixing it up) Painting our bed had been on my to-do list for a long time so I went ahead and checked that off too. I think we died of paint fume poisoning that night while we slept, but got better.

In the middle of all this fun, this happened. We lost power before it even started raining.

The power outage from the hurricane lasted a full night and day, but was only a slight nuisance. We couldn’t really get any work on the house done, so Dustin plugged the TV and XBox into the generator so I could play FallOut 4 all night. Having no power was kind of a blessing, really, because I wouldn’t have allowed myself the RnR if real work could have been done.

Tomorrow the granite for the kitchen counters is getting installed, and I’m really going to be cracking the whip over us to get the thousand tiny little details wrapped up that are still unfinished that probably wouldn’t bother my husband but is seriously doing damage to my peace of mind. It’s been tough, as my energy level has been Pbbbbbllt for almost the last two months has been nil. In order to avoid any pain (and I assume exploding this bum organ) I’ve been on a very low-fat diet. At first I was having trouble figuring out what to eat aside from bowls upon bowls of raw vegetables. Many days I was only eating around 600-800 kcal. Eventually I got into the swing of things, figured more foods out, and am feeling a little less dead. Only a little though.

I can’t wait to share some “after” photos with you guys, but I just wanted to let everyone know where I was! The surgery is Tuesday, I hope to update around the end of next week.Wish me luck!

Somewhere Beyond the Sea



My friends have birthdays every year, and still I can never seem to get myself together in time to give them a meaningful gift on time. This year the stars aligned to make me think of a journal idea for my friend and remember her birthday was coming up. Technically, more dilly-dallying was done than was allowed for in the original plan, but planning and assembly still wrapped up just in time.


I feel this is my best journal to date, but even still there were things to learn. Over stuffing is my biggest problem, and I thought I’d gotten the best of myself by using 30 pages—about 1/2 of previous journals. What I failed to account for was how bulky many of my page plans were, and the book ended up quite full. I’ve been sewing together signatures and then creating the pages, but in the future I’ll make all of the pages first, and then see what kind of binding is required.

I was worried working around a central theme would feel limiting, and come out pretentious or cheesy.The theme—a hierarchy of mermaids, followed by kitsch, comics, and surrealism—ended up really helping in keeping me focused. I may try other some other themes if any good ones come to mind. The journal of a vampire hunter always seemed mysterious and enticing, maybe I’ll queue up some Bram Stoker and Vampire Hunter D to get the ideas flowing!

I’ve never really cared for things about the things I like, rather I’d prefer them to be from the things I like. Examp,e: I wouldn’t want a a poster of Hannibal Lecter so much as a mask like the one he wears in Silence of the Lambs. In that same vein, I tried to make this journal less about mermaids, and more like a mermaid’s own journal. I used trinkets that would likely be common pretties for merfolk; sharks teeth, pearls, gold doubloons.

Compasses, locks, scraps of fabric, waterlogged paper and documents; detritus from sunken ships.

I got got to use some great little pieces I’ve been holding onto for a long time. That cutie turtle in the spine was a magnet of my mom’s from before I was born, and has been on my fridge my entire life. I feel like it’s important to include ingredients that are dear to me whenever I make any kind of assemblage project. It helps keep me connected until it’s over.

Vintage seafood recipe cards from a 50’s Betty Crocker collection. What else would mermaids eat?

The sea conjures images of tangled seaweed, vividly colored corals and fishes, and the night sky. What could be more magical than drifting on warm, tropical waters, and looking up into the heavens without a ounce of light pollution to obscure a single glimmering dot in the sky? Pirates and sailors would, no doubt, try to impress any mermaids they encountered with their knowledge of the constellations.

I tried to strike a balance between dressing up the pages, and leaving enough space for photos and embellishments. There are a couple hidden reoccurring themes as well!

page 8

This is my favorite page! Messages in bottles were the first thing to come to mind when thinking of mermaids, and it was a lot of fun translating that to a journal page. The scroll is removable for secrets.

                                            Photo frames galore

Most pages have a tab, and there are lots of journaling tags. Two pages feature baggies for storing treasures.

The chains page is another way to attach and store keepsakes.

The center pages are fabric. I always end up with buttons, pins, and fabrics to include in my scrapbooks and am always challenged as to attaching them. I wrapped several safety pins with thread, and made a little charm for one. The large, lacy circle has a felt back with a brooch pin. The metal disc reminded me of a ship’s wheel, and I oriented it north-northwest (it’s one of my favorite Shakespeare lines) on the lace.

Like every journal so far, a hundred ideas flooded me the moment I finished. Every one should get better and better. I feel like I’m nearly ready to sell a few!

What would you want in a keepsake journal like this?


I have to admit, after I mailed the When Rome Burns journal to my friend Erin, I was extremely anxious about how it would be received. It was a little bit of how disappointed I was with the errors I’d made, but also there was that anxiety unique of sharing something you “made” that is a lot like standing around naked in front of people who have quite intense stares. There are many reasons that, despite several states worth of difference in proximity, I consider Erin one of my road dogs. One of those reasons is that even if she actually feels like I mailed her a turd, she is being extremely generous about not showing it.

Yeah! Suck on that, bucket of nerves!

In the meantime, I have been prototyping away. Not as much as I’d like to have been because, really, how the hell does anyone get everything done in a day that they need to? The tail of my to-do list keeps wrapping around to the next day and I just feel sleepier and sleepier thinking about it.

I got two slightly different prototypes completed so far. They are full of mistakes, but most of them are completely different mistakes so I take that as a sign of improvement.

I wanted to work on an open binding and just make a very basic book to practice the fundamentals of the process. Mostly basic, at least. I wrapped the cover and signatures in comic book paper just to see how it affected everything. I cut the flaps a little large and left  them unglued to add a little visual interest but next time I think I will glue them down. Plain grey cardstock in a red cover.

The next was an experiment with cover material and envelopes. I cut apart a wooden cigar box and drilled tiny holes, then I just sewed it right onto the signatures. I choose red sulphite paper because I liked how it plays up the colors of the cover art. The envelopes are cut from laminated sheets of an edition of a 1896 New York newspaper. I sewed them into the signatures along the inner seam before assembling them, and punched holes for a ribbon loop to tuck the flaps into. Because the back cover is slightly longer than the front cover I lined it with paper and just fastened a binder clip to the top to make good use of the space. First prototype: no storage. Second prototype: All storage. Sounds about right.

Like the first go at book making/altering/whathaveyou these projects didn’t feel like work, even when I was learning from a particularly infuriating mistake. And learn I did. I feel totally ready to start making “real” altered journals to potentially sell. My Mother-in-Law scored a box of the most perfect ruined old books to use as covers so I have about 12 to make as my first batch. I’m taking them two at a time; making slightly similar ones with every pair to stay efficient with the materials prep and focused on the theme. I even did some planning that translates as a (very) loose blueprint for me to use when designing others!_MG_6490

Because the two prototypes are so flawed I decided to just keep them and use them for Lulah’s scrapbook project. I inadvertently ended up with a theme of red covered journals in her scrapbook series, and using these guys would fit right in, in their own way.

I haven’t began cutting anything, but I have assembled the papers and ephemera for the first two hardcover altered book journals that have been on my mind for weeks now. “Woodland,” is what I’m calling them in my head, but I have no idea if that’s how they’ll actually translate.

Working on getting the old process streamlined. I know one of the next steps will be actually putting together this crap-pile of a studio in a way that it can actually be used. Right now any time Tallulah wants to play with play-doh, I have to clean up my book project stuff from the craft table. Oh all-seeing Pinterest, tell me what is in my future.

End Transmission.

A Place In Time

From Wikipedia:

Saudade is a word in Portuguese and Galician (from which it entered Spanish) that claims no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return. A stronger form of saudade might be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing, moved away, separated, or died.

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.

Folks used to believe (and maybe still do? I don’t know. I don’t know where one would keep up with these things) that a person is born with a temperament that permeates and governs the course of their entire lives. If it’s true, then my temperament lies firmly in saudade-land. The feeling of nostalgia pervades almost everything I do in life, and is no where near so evident as in the stuff I make.


Last year my incredible sweetheart of a daughter picked a flower for me at her Oma’s house and brought it home to me. I was so touched! The first flower my sweetie picked for me seemed like something that required saving. Maybe it’s all the years of video game playing, but things that have so much meaning within them feel kind of like relics, full of magic and strange side-effects.

If I ever had to pick sides in a culture war I’d have a terrible time choosing between The Geekdom and HorrorLand. I’m not a vivisection queen or anything, but if it’s disconcertingly creepy and possibly sinister it is my bag. While many eras have their own particular flavor of wtf?! going for them, an era more into death, snake-oil, seances, and general Addams family charm than the Victorian I’ve yet to learn about. When deciding how to preserve and display my priceless relic the memento mori fashion heavily influenced my decisions.


The structure is a wooden box one of Lulah’s toys came in. Originally I painted the entire thing a kind of dusty aqua, but it seemed so god-awful generic that I went back and gave the exterior a few coats of “Emperor’s Gold.” I love this color so much–it reminds me of the spines of Little Golden Books. The little lace square came from a parcel of lace and hankies my mother bequeathed to me that I believe were my grandmother’s, or possibly even her mother’s.


Hubs and I decided before Lulah was born how we were going to parent her, and part of that included deciding we weren’t going to do anything like cut her hair or pierce her ears unless she wants to do those things. Unfortunately curly hair is the devil to keep groomed (and Lulah isn’t super into grooming in the first place–she’s a wild thing!) and we ended up with a snarl one day that no amount of detangler and gentle coaxing was going to eradicate. I hated snipping off that adorable little end curl, but it had to be done. I wrapped satin ribbon around the ugly snarl part, and mounted it on silk brocade. The frame is a resin dollar-store find painted a shade of aubergine that I immediately became obsessed with after finding it in a spray can.

I don’t think I’m overly sentimental about my kid. I’m quick to toss the toys she doesn’t play with anymore in the donate pile (except for the rare heirloom that goes into her “Pass-down” box) and all of her too-small clothes go to her best buddy who is a year younger. I do save all of her paintings and drawings, but that’s because I intend to turn them into signatures and make her scrapbooks out of them once I have enough! I thought it would be a special touch to have the pages covered in her early art. And I’ll probably save all of her baby teeth, but that’s the creep part of me talking there. I’m going to use them in art projects, no doubt. Also, my mom saved all of mine so if I’m a creep then she is too!


-End Transmission

The Maiden Voyage

Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to my inaugural blog post! My name is Octavia, and like most people of the creative persuasion, I am possessed of the need to make things. All kinds of things. All the time. Constantly. When I’m not making things, I’m researching things to make; planning the next thing. Always planning the next thing. My list of ‘next things’ has become quite the project itself.

 When I was younger (muuuuuuch younger) drawing was my deal. Mostly I drew a lot of trees and nature scenes, occasionally venturing to uncharted territories to experiment with doodling showgirls and bikinied dogs.

(Currently on exhibition at My Mother’s House)


In my teenage years I conquered my fear of drawing people by spending most of my free time drawing the women in the Victoria’s Secret clothing catalog and an occasional celebrity.

(I even started getting pretty not bad!)

  My early twenties were spent dabbling in colored pencil and ink abstract landscapes and bizarre-o nature scenes.

And then I discovered mixed-media assemblage and fell in love. Hard. It was what I’d always vaguely wanted to do with art, but could never exactly define my thoughts enough to figure it out. For as in love with the art form as I am, I haven’t actually made very many sculptures yet. I’ve been collecting and refining ideas for a while now, however, and am ready to get to work on them finally.

Part of me can’t stop kicking myself for stopping drawing so much just when I was beginning to figure out what the heck I’m doing. I still doodle on occasion–

(Although they’ve gotten much weirder…)

–and have completely neglected to mention photography at all even though I’ve been doing it for over ten years, and is what I write under “Profession.” You wouldn’t know it by the quality of photos in this post, ha! I apologize for the hasty phone pictures. I don’t actually own a scanner, and pbbbbt to photographing flat things.

It’s kind of an exciting time for me, speaking in photography terms. I’ve been struggling for a while with my portrait business, and I think I finally figured out what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it. I’d been attempting to succeed by taking what I like to call “Normal” portraits of people and their families. The problem with this right from the beginning is that I am not a normal person, and thus, know nothing about normal people or what they want. Most portraits of myself involve costumes, or at the very least a zany prop. I didn’t even know how to advertise to people who wanted portraits of them in their Sunday best. Don’t get me wrong, I can take those pictures, but meh. I’m pretty sure my clients could pick up on that. Not to mention, there is a lot of competition in that area with people who are willing to do a portrait session for $35, with print release, and zero post-process. I don’t think I need to extrapolate on the quality of portfolios involved there, but I would say that about 95% of the market for people looking for regular portraits are totally fine with exactly what they get from that kind of photographer. I’m just not that kind of photographer.

I’ve decided to shift my focus to my conceptual projects and cosplay photography. I’ve got a lot of work to do getting all the details of the new change sorted, but I finally feel like I’m moving in the right direction as a business. Stay tuned for updates on that! Some of the other things hatching at the moment are: Potentially some kind of paper shop involving cards, journals, totes/tees with some kind of graphic (we’ll see about this one), and still trying to get my music skills up to par to get our band–The Junktown Jerky Vendors– off and running. It’s also seed starting time, so I shouldn’t have to worry about the dangers of becoming bored anytime soon!

Thanks for sticking around this long. I was worried I wouldn’t have enough to talk about to run a blog, but as it turns out I can’t shut up! Nice getting acquainted with you, and with luck, things should only get better from here.

End Transmission.